31 July, 2009

Rothschild

Mrs Roth, it seems, has been harbouring a boy. We saw it there on the screen, between his legs, sticking nonchalantly out, not a care in the world: horhorn, quickening and wombfruit. We can't be certain, said the woman; it could be a large clitoris. But there was no mistaking that member. His name, come four months, will be Owen. Owen Roth, 'tis a handsome name, is it not?

27 comments:

Greg Afinogenov said...

Congratulations, Conrad!

Pretzel Bender said...

Ha! I was right about the sex and yes, the name Owen is good isn't it? I wonder what person of clearly superior and exquisite taste recommended that name to you? :) Congrats from a soon to be aunt.

Pedro said...

Congratulations! (:

John Cowan said...

Congratulations indeed.

Will Owen be, as it were, his actual name, or merely, as you might say, his nom de blog?

I look forward to the post announcing his birth, so that I can precisely eight days later add a comment reading "Doing anything special today?"

Paul M. Rodriguez said...

Originality be damned: congratulations.

Conrad H. Roth said...

Thanks, friends. John: Owen is quite genuine.

Anonymous said...

perhaps he is thinking about making you a grandfather...

arnold said...

I think Conrad and Owen will be a formidable combination -- luckily Mrs Roth is well up to the task of keeping you both in order. Congratulations!

Peony said...

Conrad, let me chime in here too: CONGRATULATIONS!! And Owen is a beautiful name!

AJS said...

O'Wen, the London-born...and playing with the letters further, I've a fellow of his own age with Eugene, NOW.

All my best to the three of you.

James Ashley said...

Congratulations. How did you find the time?

Eddie J said...

A winning (Owen-ing) name. (AJS's Witzelsucht is clearly quite contagious). Congratulations! However, your impending fatherhood does make me mildly envious, given that you're on course to be one of those cool young pops (what are you, 26?, 27?) whilst I continue profligately to flush my seed and my life down the toilet :-P.

Conrad H. Roth said...

Blimey, AJS, I hadn't thought of that, but I love it!

James: I'm afraid Time found me.

Eddie: A gentleman never reveals his age. Anyway, thank you. I went through many "toilet" years myself.

Monique said...

Conrad,'van harte gefeliciteerd' (Dutch), Monique

Andrew W. said...

Conrad, that's really wonderful news!

I only offer one cuation about the pre-naming. My wife and I had a name for our son picked out and when he arrived were horrified to discover that he looked nothing like the chosen name.

So he lay there, nameless for a few days until we had a conversation where it turned out that both of us had a backup name, and that both of us had the same back up name.

Nevertheless, Owen is a delighful name!

Language said...

Owen is an excellent name, traditional without being boring (in Latin class he will presumably be Eugenius), and of course my heartiest congratulations. Thanks for sharing your good tidings!

Lily Roth said...

Yes, my father's name is Eugene (Eugenio), so Owen is also a nod to him.

Mrs. Lily Roth

Steven Augustine said...

Well done, both (all three?) of you!

AJP Crown said...

Congratulations, Lily & Conrad. Owen is an excellent name. Will he have middle names?

Conrad H. Roth said...

Nope.

Witness Street said...

Congratulations! Owen has a nice ring to it, but what do I know. I'd always said I'd name a son Dimitri, but now I feel like Owen would sound just as delightful.

But is it a matter of sound even? What do I know.

In any event, congratulations!

Robert said...

Congratulations **** I'll be in touch soon, great news, I am very happy for you both.

Anonymous said...

Start writing again, please.

Anonymous said...

Don't stop writing for God's sake I miss you.

Language said...

Give the man a break. Have you ever dealt with a small child? We'll be lucky to see him again before next year. Just be glad that he shared his joy with us, and that you get to sleep at night!

Conrad H. Roth said...

In my anonymous petitioners' (or petitioner's?) defence, Owen is not yet born. Not that we have had an easy time of it so far... Nonetheless, I do plan on writing something here next week. Best wishes to all.

Pedro Páramo - anonymous before said...

How come Mr. Language knows I'm a Varieties late night reader? Reminds me of a short story.

"Here is what sometimes happened to me: after spending the first part of the night at my desk - that part when night trudges heavily uphill - I would emerge
from the trance of my task at the exact moment when night had reached the summit and was teetering on that crest, ready to roll down into the haze of
dawn; I would get up from my chair, feeling chilly and utterly spent, turn on the light in my bedroom, and suddenly see myself in the looking glass."

Easy to guess.